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For Money or Love

October 5th, 2005 at 08:25 am

This is going to sound like such an awful entry. but I figured it would be the most appropriate/annonymous place to discuss such a topic.

I am in love and live with my boyfriend of 3 years. I work in academic research and he manages his families 3rd generation 75+acre orchard for work. We both live and commute 30 miles to our respective jobs (i work in the city, and he works in the country). And there really are NO jobs of my nature near his work. And, we will be lucky if he EVER makes more than 45K/year. There is obviously no mobility for our future because he plans to stay at the family farm for the rest of his life. And I am scared and stressed out about our financial future-scared that we will forever be in a financial rut.

So here I am working for a big university and who do I randomly meet, but a young cute Russian Cardiologist who clearly has a crush on me-he has big plans for his medical career and plans to travel.

No, I have not and do not plan on cheating on my love. But, it just makes me feel very sad, confused, and slightly helpless about my situation. Can somebody please give me some advice or at least knock some sense in me?????

3 Responses to “For Money or Love”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    First off don't hate yourself, and I'm glad you do have somewhere to type these feelings out and think about them.

    How old are you (no, not saying your immature or anything like that) but I know that the first 3 times I was in love I was sure it was the one for me, life changes, things change. Looking at your full future is very important, will you be happy basically being a farmers wife? Will that fulfill you? Do you want to commute for your entire working career? Do you plan on stopping work to raise a family? Just a few of many questions to look at.

    In my early 20's I lived in the big city and loved the life, loved working, loved going out and loved my boyfriend also, in fact even married him. Funny, now I'm 41, am a farm wife and love the peace, love the animals, the gardening, the hard work, and my current husband, a LOT more than my earlier life in the city.

    You're very wise to look at the whole picture, not just the moment and your feelings now. Do you want to follow a professional career? Believe it or not this can also work married to a farmer, Goods friends of ours are a President of a sizable corporation with an hour commute (the wife) and a full time 3rd generation dairy farmer (and THAT is a dirty, tiring full time plus job). They're incredibly happy. It can be done.

    If you need to chat let me know, I've been there and made the wrong choice the first time around, so know that you need to be very sure.

    will be thinking of you,
    KJ

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Christine2save,

    I have a sister who makes millions a year. I would not trade my life for her life in terms of money. I wish I could say that money will make you happy but that is not the case. Money can make some things much easier but it will not make you happy.

    What is it that you want out of life? Material things are nice to be sure but they again will not make you happy.
    If the person you are with is the someone you look forward to seeing every day after work then where is the problem? When the sight of someone makes you smile and feel warm inside where does money enter into the equation? It sounds like your young man works and makes an honorable living. Is it really the money you are worried about or is it something else? Only you can search the depth of your being to find that answer.

    Money is something we must deal with but don't let it be the be all and end all when it comes to your heart and soul.

    I wish you well and I pray you find happiness!

  3. Anonymous Says:

    For love and money. The two entries below are full of wisdom, so I'll try not to repeat what's already been said.
    Is it travel that is the issue and not the mobility of living somewhere else? Would you and your current beaux be able to travel? Is he interested? If it's the commute, then you need to talk to your beaux. The grass is always greener on the other side and I'm quite aware of how attractive foreign men with an education can be - I married one.
    Sometimes the best part of traveling is coming home. Where do you want to come home to? Mobility isn't the end all/be all, but being able to explore the world is a worthy endeavor!
    Regardless of the reason, if there are things you feel that are missing in your life, and you and your boyfriend have been together a long time, then maybe ya'll need to figure out which direction you're headed... what does he want out of this life? Are your goals the same?

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